As I sit here in my hotel room, I wonder if someone in the other room is living my past. Are they forcing themselves to stay awake so they don't miss any calls, are they sat on the bed, worried that at any moment someone might burst in through the door and rob them.. leaving them in debt.
I'm due to deliver a training session in the morning about County Lines, in an area known for being a county lines hotspot. Not too different from the areas I used to frequent. Back then I would've been criminalised and no one would've wanted to listen to anything I had to say. However tonight, I am preparing myself to speak to professionals in the morning and these professionals will be learning from me and my experiences. I will be the expert in the room.
Sitting here in my hotel room makes me think of those who weren't 'fortunate' enough to have been put up in hotel rooms all those years ago. Those who had to stay up in trap houses for days on end making sure they never missed a call. Loneliness and fear eating away inside them. I realise that life is very unpredictable and in some ways very parallel. When I used to sit in hotel rooms as a teenager, there's no way I would believe that years on I'd still be in hotel rooms but for a completely different reason. I'd be in them for a purpose. For a chance to make changes to the way the younger me should've been looked after and protected. I'm here by choice. I wasn't given that choice growing up. It was by force, coercion and manipulation. At that age I didn't even know those words could be related to my life.
I looked in the mirror of my hotel room a few moments ago. I searched for the younger me. I wanted to tell her none of it was in vain. I wanted to tell her people finally want to listen to what we have to say. I wanted to tell her we were helping so many young people. But instead all I could do was wonder to myself and ask
.. I hope she's finally proud of us.
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